Reflections from the birth portal.

Waxing and waning like the moon. . .

Fair warning that my writing here will reflect my contemplative, watery mood just days leading up to my second childbirth.

The tenderness of this time cannot be underestimated, overlooked, or rushed. I shared with a friend yesterday that it feels like one of those rare times in life when the whole world slows down. Nothing else matters nearly as much as nourishing my body, my spirit, and my baby. She reflected back to me that it is an irrefutable, guilt-free “no” on my rsvp.

Oh the simplicity and softness in this space that despite some of its discomforts, I do not take for granted. In the clear boundary permitting this delicate transition to unfurl in its own time. . .

Precisely 9 days away from my due date, I’m feeling very much so in the birth portal. Portals are powerful openings that linger before and after their marked time. Similar to the pre and post effects of a full moon or eclipse (a powerful cycle we’re collectively approaching in a week’s time) the energy does not simply arrive at once. It ascends, it peaks, it descends. The internet defines a portal as an energetic gateway or thin boundary point connecting the physical world with unseen spiritual dimensions. Count me in.

One way of settling deeper into the birth portal this week was making these watercolor affirmation cards for my birth altar. The imagery of the ocean felt very fitting. Each contraction, or surge, during labor is truly like a wave. Building and building until it reaches a climax and then with great relief backs off. Our breath mimics this pattern, expanding and contracting continuously. Taking in and letting go.

This month in my kundalini apprenticeship we are learning about prana, or life force, the abundant energy that animates our beings. An image that stuck with me is this ocean of air that always surrounds us, that we take in with each inhale. That we give back to with each exhale. This cycle is infinite and connects us to the infinite. Particularly if we are conscious and intentional, connecting to our breath is profound. When our pranic body is weak we feel low energy, fatigue, anxiety, fear, scarcity, depression, illness. When strong — vitality, fearlessness, prosperity, and a natural healing capacity.

There’s an ocean of air ready to become your breath

Last night I began to feel a sharp tension in my low back and uneasy digestion. Besides relieving it with rest, a heating pad, and my special TCM heating salve, I reflected on what I am still holding onto that is not welcome on the other side of this transition. That has served its purpose and must be trimmed so I can fully expand into the next phase.

The day had brought up a lot of friction from being in the in-between, where much of this residue still persists. As uncomfortable as sitting in it can be, I notice time and time again the grip that keeps me from truly surrendering, from fully detaching. But just like bringing awareness and intention to the breath, by bringing awareness to this tension and fully sinking into it, I was eventually able to find relief. To let go. To drift into sleep.

Another metaphor that has been resurfacing lately is our bodies, our lives, as a garden. We must trim the weeds and the dying leaves to make space for new life to emerge. To blossom.

Whether you are also birthing life in this season (congrats) or in the process of letting something(s) go to make space for new life to emerge (be it a project, a new home, etc etc) the call here is to make a ritual of it. May we recognize the gateway that we are stepping into and beyond. Infuse it with awareness and intention. Unsure of what the other side will look and feel like, but certain that we have no choice but to pass through.

Happy crossing,

x Rocky